after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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