dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
