She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
