so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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