We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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