one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
