I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
