Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
