I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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