yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
