he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
