I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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