Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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