Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
