I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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