How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
