Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No Oneâ€™s Around
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.