ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
