After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
