my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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