I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
