I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
