Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
