I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
