dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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