I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize