3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
