So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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