I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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