i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
