a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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