he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
