just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
