capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's never too late to be topless.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
