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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
