He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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