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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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