Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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