I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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