i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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