so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
