Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
