Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
