I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
