last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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