the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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