Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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