ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
