Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
