I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
