His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
