dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
