if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
