turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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