you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
