cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
