Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
