I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
