I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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