Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
