I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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