his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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