Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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