I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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