Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
