I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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