Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
